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The Real Bat Mobile
    Vlad Black, also known as "Mad Vlad" to those who frequent Goth Metal circles, makes his living as a mobile DJ in the underground Rave circuit and hauls himself and all his gear from Rave to Rave in his beloved black Hearse. Given his occupation, as well as his disposition, he seldom rises before sundown and stays out until the early morning hours much of the time.
    He began to notice a mysterious white substance accumulating in the spot where he parked his beloved Hearse when he came home at night. At first he thought nothing of it, other than a mild concern of a possible mechanical malady. "I thought I might have a bad battery or something, but when checked under the hood I didn't see anything wrong, so I forgot about it". But as the white substance started to build itself into a small mound, he became more puzzled as to the origin of this " mystery stuff". Then one night he discovered the truth as he peered out of his bedroom window shortly after sundown. Apparently, several hundred winged suspects had found their way into the firewall of Vlad's beloved Hearse, where they had permanently set up shop.
    "Mad Vlad" has no intention of ridding himself of the bats any time soon, stating "I consider it a synergistic relationship". Says Vlad, "nobody leaves the house until after sundown and we don't come back until the early morning hours, so it all works out just fine. If I ever sell the [Deadmobile] , whomever inherits this heap is gonna have to accept a few hundred extra residents or it's no sale!"

Deer Takes Advantage of Defenseless Hunter

A sleeping, unsuspecting hunter has his lunch stolen in the Prescott National Forest by a stealthy & cunning adversary.

Over a Billion Burgers Sold & No Retirement Plan!

Baby Biter

Lannie Lloyd Hendrickson, 24, was arrested in Bozeman, Mont., in December on charges that he aggressively bit two infants he was baby-sitting, ages 1 and 2, over their arms, shoulders and legs, because they would not fall asleep. According to police, Hendrickson said he could not recall how many times he bit each one, but did admit that he "bit the shit out of them."

Fla. Man Kills Roommate Over Toilet Paper

A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.
Franklin Paul Crow, 56, was charged Monday with homicide in the death of Kenneth Matthews, 58, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Office. Capt. Thomas Bibb said Crow initially denied his involvement, but confessed during questioning. Crow told investigators that the men were fighting about the toilet paper over the weekend when Matthews pulled out a rifle. Crow said he then began beating Matthews with the sledgehammer and claw hammer, according to an affidavit.
Matthews was beaten so badly he had to be identified through his fingerprints, detectives said.
Crow was being held at the Marion County jail without bond. It was not immediately known whether he had an attorney.

Hair Couture

A young woman who we will call "Lisa" for purposes of anonymity, suffers a rare disorder that causes her to continuously pull out strands of her hair. As her once healthy supply of hair has dwindled away to almost nothing, she has been forced to wear a wig whenever venturing out into public. "I don't really like going out anymore. I try to avoid it unless I have to get something for one of my dolls".

You see, "Lisa" is an avid doll collector and will stop at nothing in pursuit of her passion. But the strangest part of this whole story is the turn of events concerning the interaction of her passion for dolls and her disorder. "I used to just put all the hair that I pulled under my pillow. Then I'd sweep it all off into the night stand drawer next to my bed". Lisa continued, "For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away, I don't really know why".

Then one day, out of what she credits to sheer boredom, she made a small scarf for one of her dolls by weaving together the strands of her own hair from that nights surplus that she had tucked beneath her pillow. "It all started from there", explained Lisa. Soon after she had become obsessed with the pursuit of weaving her own discarded hair into a vast array of outfits for her beloved dolls. She has since gone on to weave a pullover sweater, full length jacket, and several pairs of pants. "And not just regular pants", exclaimed Lisa "these are just like the real thing, with pockets and belt loops and everything! - I even have a pair of bell bottoms, just like from the seventies". Her only dilemma is that her dwindling supply of surplus hair is running dangerously low and may not be sufficient enough to complete what she jokingly refers to as her "Fall Fashion Line".
" I have the craving lately to constantly brush my kids hair. Then I sneak into the bathroom and secretly harvest the hair from the brush for my collection. I know I should stop, I just don't know how. My kids now run from me every time they see me coming with the brush in my hand. On my way through the mall yesterday I passed by a pet shop. I had the sudden urge to buy the cat in the window (a Himalayan with beautiful long luxurious white fur). I'm not that much into cats, but I have a number of dolls that would look fabulous in an angora sweater".

Love Those Crazy Cats!

(All articles courtesy of the internet)